The Pain Infertility Brings

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Some days I feel untouchable. So high on life nothing can bring me down.

Some days I’m one moment away from tears.

Another ultrasound picture.

Another baby shower invite.

Another pregnant belly pic.

Another 1st birthday celebration.

Another pregnancy announcement.

Another surprise pregnancy announcement.

Another birth photo.

These are wonderful and exciting times in people’s lives. But to the infertile, they are painful. People tend to forget when they are celebrating that they may be hurting someone else. I understand for many people, choosing their joy is much easier than choosing my sorrow. But I’d love it if you made the choice to meet me in my sorrow. I promise that isn’t where I always am. It is easy to feel forgotten where I am and no one wants to feel forgotten.

Sometimes it feels as though if I had a different medical condition, people would care about me more. People don’t usually send me cards or flowers with the message “Sorry you’re infertile. That really sucks!” I get it. It’s a tough subject for you to approach. How do you think it feels for me? Feeling isolated isn’t fun either. Those few people who reach out to check on me, send flowers or a card, mean so much to me. To know that I am thought of and cared about during this difficult journey is usually just what I need to keep me going.

Ways you can help those who are infertile:

Send a card. You send cards to people who are sick or who have lost a loved one. This situation is no different. Except my infertility is going to be healed and I’m mourning my lost loved one every day.

Send flowers. If you are close with the person and can afford to have flowers delivered or deliver them yourself, do it! Flowers are a wonderful gesture that most people love, including infertiles!

Take them on a date. I would love for a friend to plan a fun day with me in mind. No baby talk aloud!

Remember the husband. Infertility is hard on me. But it takes just as big of a toll on my husband. He hurts when I hurt but society tells him to be a rock. All. The. Time. That isn’t fair. I want my friends and family to remember to build him up too! He needs support just like I do.

Don’t forget them on Mother’s and Father’s Day. This seems obvious. This day is one huge reminder of what there isn’t in our lives. Reach out to us. Let us know we are loved during your celebration.

Ask how they are doing. Not asking because you don’t know what to say or you’re afraid you’ll upset me is not a good enough reason. I am already hurting. I might as well not hurt alone.

Listen. Nothing you say is going to fix this. Learning to be a good listener is one of the best things you can do for me. Have a strong shoulder to cry on too 😉

Do not be afraid of tears. If you are, get out now! Dealing with tears is a requirement.

Send a text. There are a lot of down moments. You never know when your encouraging message will come at just the right time. We all want to feel the love. You know you have time. You’re probably reading this on your phone right now!

Ask them what they need. Don’t assume you know what’s best for me. Ask! If you are asking questions, I will know you love and care for me. If you ask things that are offensive or upsetting, I’ll let you know. We will learn together along the way.

I have been so unbelievably supported by my friends and family. There have been disappointments along the way as with anything. But I have been very blessed during my journey. If you do not have that kind of support, please know you are not alone. It may feel that way but they are many out there that would love to support you. You may have to work a little harder to find them. But I promise, they exist.

Visit http://www.resolve.org/ to find a support group, online support, or to access their helpline.

Find me on Facebook. I’d love to connect with you!
https://www.facebook.com/lindsay.mader.9

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