I will spare you his name. Let’s call him Justin. I’m still Facebook friends with his wife. But several months ago, I came across a status on Facebook dealing with infertility. There were many comments regarding not being able to conceive and the difficulties associated with it.
Justin compared not being able to have a child to whining about not being able to have a cookie you want. He said that people should get over it and move on.
Rude. There is no comparison between those two and it was a terrible thing to say.
Until you’ve gone through something, you cannot understand the pain associated with it. So I understand he said that because he thinks he has some clue. He doesn’t. No one can truly understand someone else’s pain unless they have gone through something similar. Then even still, you can’t understand that person’s pain exactly. You can only empathize. Loss is loss. Loss is painful. It doesn’t matter what the loss is. A spouse. A partner. A friend. A parent. An in-law. A sibling. A grandparent. An aunt. An uncle. A cousin. A niece. A nephew. A pet. An older child. A younger child. A baby. A fetus. An embryo. The dream of a child. I think we can all agree that we can be kinder to one another when it comes to loss. You can always do more for someone when they have lost someone.
We also need to stop comparing our losses. Like my loss is greater than yours or your loss is greater than mine. It all hurts. PERIOD. Can’t we just support each other and love each other through these messy times? Life is always messy. But it has points that hurt more and are messier than others.
I hope that Justin and his wife never go through what Joe and I have. Because it takes a much wiser, kinder, stronger, and loving man to go through infertility.