9 years ago…

…I said I do.

I said I do to love.

I said I do to forever.

I said I do to for better or worse.

I didn’t say I do to the promise of children. I often remind myself the reason I got married. Because I love Joe so so much. On our wedding day, I don’t think I was thinking about my future children. I probably just assumed it would happen easily one day. But it hasn’t. It’s been so painful. But the bond it has built between Joe and I has been amazing. Our marriage is stronger than I could have ever dreamed of. All because of infertility. That piece I did not see coming but I’m grateful for it.

I think we all have that thing that hurts and makes us grow. That thing that stretches us almost till we break. That thing that makes us imagine the world would be better off without us here. That thing that brings more pain than we ever thought one person could bare. Growing is painful but necessary.

We all have that thing that fills our heart with love and joy. We must cling to that with everything we have. Do not let it slip away. Nurture it.  Make it a priority. Because that’s the thing that gets us through the painful growing parts.

I didn’t say to Joe on our wedding day “I’ll love you more when you’re a father”. Is it possible I’ll love him more if he becomes a daddy? Maybe. Can I love him just as much as my husband? I think so. Regardless of what comes our way, he is mine and I am his. I’m so grateful for the man God blessed me with. Traveling down this road has not been easy. Many men in this situation cannot continue on in their marriages and walk away. I got a really good one. He is more than I could have ever hoped for in the struggles of life. He is my rock. I hope now and then, I’m that for him when he needs it as well. I cannot say enough how much love and respect I have for my Joseph. He is an amazing, godly, honorable, and loving man.

No matter life’s circumstances, I think it’s important to remember what you said “I do” to on your wedding day and what you didn’t say I do to.

Joseph and I

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