“I want a divorce!”

At one point in our marriage, I told Joe to divorce me. I didn’t think I could live with the guilt of not being able to give him a baby. I could work through my own guilt of not being a mom but robbing someone else of their dream, how could I live with that!? So much guilt! I told him to leave me while he was young enough to find someone to start a family with.

He told me when he signed up for marriage, he agreed to be there for better or worse. We were just going through the “worse” portion.

Before we got married, I’ll never forget what Joe said to me. “No matter what happens, we won’t give up. We will exhaust every option before we throw in the towel.”

I knew he was a good guy before I married him. But when he said that, it floored me. If there was any doubt in my mind, at the moment it was squashed. I didn’t ask him about that. I didn’t coach him. He said that on his own from his heart. Men don’t show their hearts as often as women do usually, but when they do, man they do it right. That made me feel like we would get through anything together.

When infertility hit, I didn’t know how true that statement would be. It’s one thing for a man to say something and it’s another when he stands by what he says and actually DOES it. Nothing sexier than a man who follows through on what he says.

Joe has said before that guys don’t give up on having a baby. Guys give up because they can’t handle their wives. It’s a tough job to deal with an emotional, angry, depressed, medicated, anxious, hormonal, and crazy wife. I agree with Joe. Most men can’t take it. His attitude towards this whole experience is amazing. He’s so positive, uplifting, and encouraging. I appreciate how he handles these situations so much. It gets me through each day. We have been really good about communicating throughout this whole process. I think the most important thing in any relationship is to have good communication. We have been so blessed to be able to communicate well and be on the same page throughout this process.

I’m so glad I married Joe. He is more than I could have ever dreamed for. He is my best friend and I can’t imagine going through this with anyone else. God knew what He was doing when He put us together 12 years ago.


Treatment Update

I started my cycle on my own 13 days ago! I took Femera again to help with ovulation. Yesterday we went in for our ovulation check ultrasound and there was one egg on my right ovary. Joe thought it looked larger than last time so that might be good! Then this morning I got ANOTHER positive ovulation test! Tomorrow we will go in for our 2nd insemination or IUI. We asked the doctor how much IUIs increase the chance of pregnancy. She said they really don’t. It just helps get the sperm farther up if they are slow and she isn’t concerned with Joe’s sperm. So, this will probably be the last time we do this procedure. Then if we decide to do anymore treatment, we will do medication on our own.



6 thoughts on ““I want a divorce!”

  1. I have been praying for you for months, and I’m so happy to be able to give God praise for your body doing things like starting your cycle on its own! Now, prayers for pregnancy this time!

    Also, Joe was one of my favorite people in High school, always making me laugh, and I am also giving praises to God today for how God has created and molded him to be an amazing husband for you!

    So many prayers of thanks, excitement, hope and asking for God to give you a baby!


  2. I’m in tears as i read this you guys are a great team,the LOVE that i feel as i read your letter you guys are so BLESSED to have such a LOVE. It is amazing to hear it, so many people don’t get what real Love is. God will Bless you both in the right time something we don’t understand we always want it right now But God knows and it will be perfect timing for you both. I Love you guys and i will be praying and knowing that God is gonna Bless you guys with a beautiful and perfectly healthy baby or babies. God Bless you both Stay Strong!!! Love you both Aunt DeeDee


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