Deep Water 

Deep water, water that is over your head, has the potential to kill you if you don’t swim. Do you only swim in the shallows where it’s safer?

For me, deep water was starting a support group. I felt that this was what I was called to do. I could stay in the shallows where it felt safe. Or I could risk drowning and head out to the deep water.

Once I was out in the deep water, I was terrified. What if I fail? What if they don’t like me? What if I do a terrible job of leading? Those worries soon went away and I knew I was doing what I had been called to do.

I had been praying for purpose for years. It didn’t come how I thought it would. It didn’t come as this beautiful opportunity on a silver platter. It came as an ugly, sad, and scary mess that was wrapped around infertility. But continuing to swim through the mess revealed something beautiful.

I’m now in a position to help other woman through their journey. My pain is being used to help others. That has been the best thing for me too.

I’m able to support, mourn with, love, encourage, cry with, and uplift women who are in a similar place as me.

Trying IVF is also some REALLY deep water. There’s a lot that could happen if we move forward. But I also try to look ahead, even if it doesn’t work, there will be beauty in the ashes. Good things will come from it not working. It will be heartbreaking and it will hurt. But I know we will take good away from it and we will be able to stand beside other couples in the future and help them along just like those before us have helped us.

Infertility has stretched my marriage more than I could have ever imagined. We are stronger than ever before and for that, I am so grateful. We made it this far by communicating honestly with each other and loving each other, no matter what.

A few things I often remind myself of:

  1. God’s got this. His plans are better than I can imagine.
  2. This pain will not last forever. Our time on earth is short.
  3. This too, will be used for good.

 

Andrew Ripp’s music has inspired me so much on my journey. This song inspired this post and encouraged me to continue to swim out to the deep water.

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