My anxiety has a way of convincing me that people don’t like me.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of people I’m sure don’t like me and that’s just how it is. Not everyone can like everyone. That bothers me but there isn’t much I can do to change it.
Currently, I’m particularly bothered by a couple of people that I feel I rarely hear from on Facebook. It’s sooooo stupid. I really hate Facebook some days. But I have a few friends that don’t “like” much I post and they don’t comment on my blogs. I feel as though these people really love and support me but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. I have to remind myself that they are busy with their own lives and their life can’t be all about me. But then they like or comment on a mutual friend’s post. Then I don’t feel good enough, again.
I’ve always been an anxious person. But infertility has made my anxiety much worse. Due to my family history, I’ve always been more likely to have depression and anxiety. Then add PCOS on top of that. Women with PCOS are at a much higher risk of dealing with depression and anxiety. I believe it may be due to the situation(s) we are in and because of our wacky hormones. Those factors play a big role.
Family history + hormones + infertility sadness = a more anxious Lindsay
Anxiety = big jerk
Most days I can agree that the things I’m anxious about are so silly and they don’t matter. But then there are days that my anxiety convinces me that these things are a big deal and these people must hate me. Then because I think they hate me, I tend to hate myself. Anxiety is an interesting ride. To have your mind be so obsessed over things that most people don’t think about is really frustrating.
Anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
So…most days, that’s my life. Everything pretty much has an uncertain outcome so there can be lots to worry about! But I find most of my worries have to do with people. I want to be liked by everyone and I don’t want people to be upset with me. So not getting a text from my friends, them not liking something on Facebook, or them not encouraging me about my blog, makes me feel like they don’t like me. I know that is a lie because I have a lot people in my life who tell me so including the ones who don’t like my stuff on Facebook.
Even if I’m not liked by most, I know I’m loved unconditionally by one.
You are loved
If your heart’s in a thousand pieces
If you’re lost and you’re far from reason
Just look up, know you are loved
-Stars Go Dim