I was recently watching the show This Is Us. Some spoilers ahead! A man named Joe (what a coincidence!) works at a fire station where a baby is dropped off after being abandoned by his father. Joe had been praying for a miracle and he thinks this child being dropped off is just that. He takes the baby home and tells his wife what happened. He thinks they should keep the baby. Joe and his wife are infertile and he thinks this is the miracle that will save their marriage. The wife comes across as cold and uncaring because she can’t have a baby. I’ve always wondered why TV and movies make us out to be that way. Maybe because a lot of couples that go through infertility do divorce. I’ve had my moments. But overall, I’d say that infertility has brought Joe and I closer together. It hasn’t pushed us apart and we haven’t grown cold. We’ve seen sides of each other that aren’t always pretty. Mostly my side. This situation has made me more vulnerable than I’ve ever been and Joe still loves me. The same goes for him and I can’t help but fall more in love with him because of it.
I’ve seen several mothers post things about falling more in love with their husbands because they get to see them be a father. It always makes my heart hurt. I don’t get to love Joe as much because he isn’t a dad? I think we all to get experience love at different capacities and in different ways. I have to remind myself this isn’t a competition. Although our situation isn’t ideal, I have been loved by my husband through grief. That’s something that not everyone will get to experience. It’s special. It’s different. It’s a truly deep love that connects us in an amazing way and some may never experience that, maybe not even some mothers. I’m sure most wouldn’t choose to go through grief to experience this kind of love but we had no choice so we are embracing it.
I’m guilty of comparing my situation to other moms. I tell myself that they are more special and loved than I am because they have children. They do get to experience things I may never get to but that doesn’t mean I’m less loved or less valuable. Sometimes, it takes the most random person to remind me that I’m valuable. Yesterday I went for my massage I had scheduled. This was my second time seeing her. I filled her in on my history the first appointment. Then at this one she told me some of her story and what do you know, she’s infertile as well! Isn’t it amazing the people that are laid on our path? She reminded me that I still hold value and to never forget that. Just because my body doesn’t do what others can, doesn’t mean I’m worthless. I know all of this. But it’s good to be reminded because I often forget I’m valuable.
Joe and I have walked this difficult road together and we’ve come out the other side stronger, united, more connected, and more in love.
You don’t have to have a love like mine and I don’t have to have a love like yours. It isn’t a competition. Even if society and other people make it seem that way.
No matter your situation, you are loved. I’m sure you are loved by at least one person or an animal. But most importantly, God loved you first and always will.
So go ahead and live like you’re loved
It’s ok to act like you’ve been set free
His love has made you more than enough
So go ahead and be who He made you to be
Hawk Nelson – Live Like You’re Loved