Is it any coincidence that my most viewed blog is Bloody Hell? What is our obsession with pain, blood, and guts?
Miscarriage is a taboo subject. People hide their pregnancies until they’re past the “safe zone” or the first trimester. I would assume that women don’t want to have to go through telling people who knew they were pregnant that they aren’t anymore. I know I’m in the minority of the feeling sharing department but I wish we were all more open. I think that’s one of the reasons people read that particular blog the most. We like to see people who have it worse than us. It makes us feel better. But a lot of you have been there. A lot of you have lost babies and you didn’t talk about it. You didn’t tell anyone. You wanted to read that someone else hurt like you did. But what if you telling your story made someone else feel less alone?
I wish that we didn’t feel the need to hide things. But people are MEAN. You are judged for everything you do. But what if we could share our stories and feel loved instead of shame?
I’d love to see women celebrate their pregnancy without fear. No matter your circumstances, pregnancy is scary. You’re trying to grow another person and it’s terrifying. You worry every moment that something isn’t right and God forbid something does happen, then you hide. You feel ashamed. Like you killed your baby. Because society has a way of making you feel like crap for something you had no control over. I wish that women could share their story of miscarriage and celebrate the baby they had in them. Then other women wouldn’t be as scared to share their pregnancy because they’d know, if something does happen, they’ll be supported no matter what.
Continuing to not talk about it perpetuates the cycle. We continue to confirm that it isn’t something that should be talked about so women often suffer these losses alone. No one should go through a miscarriage alone.
Can you imagine saying goodbye to a living relative all by yourself? You have a funeral for your loved one and no one shows up. Funerals happen to celebrate the deceased, have closure, and bring people together to support one another. We all will experience loss as some point in our lives. With miscarriages, we have to tell people it happened if we don’t want to be alone. Loss is hard and we shouldn’t have to feel alone in our loss. I want to be that for people. I want to be the person that can hold their hand and offer support through the messy stuff.
The only way to make taboo subjects less taboo is to talk about them. Pretending that it didn’t happen doesn’t change the fact that it happened or that we hurt. It just forces us to process the grief alone. You may find when you share these dark feelings with people who love you unconditionally, you start to find healing in sharing. I believe we were put here to share life with one another, the good and the bad.
If you feel inclined, leave a comment and let’s remember all of those that we wish were still here.
❤ My Uncle, my Grandparents, and my 4 little embryos ❤
Show me where it hurts
Give me something real
Lead me to the part of you
That never really heals
Say the words that burn
When they leave your mouth
Tell me your story
But don’t leave the good parts out
Good Parts – Andy Grammer
It’s the scary, painful parts of our of story that have the potential for the most impact.