In everything I write, I try to be honest, real, and kind. I Want To Leave The Church was no different. I started that blog in August of 2016. I’ve had discussions with many friends about it. I had them read it and reread it to make sure my points were clear but that I was kind. The point of that blog was not to say that I’m giving up on religion. I’m not giving up on church. I’m not giving up on God. I’m at a point in my life where I’m trying to figure out what I want life to look like. Depression and anxiety also play a role in what I’m capable of doing right now and going back into crowded areas like church is hard for me. My number one focus right now is me. I am focused on keeping myself alive and some days, that’s all I have the strength for.
I think it’s important to be honest with how you feel. I think it’s important to take time to formulate your thoughts and deliver them in the best way possible. I took a lot of time with that blog, more than any other one. It was important for me to say something and it finally felt like the right time.
I’m constantly learning and growing and writing is something that is helping me to do that. I’m not the type of person to keep stuff bottled up so this is a fantastic outlet for me. In this stage of my life, there is so much change happening around me. Everyone is going in a different direction and since I’m not traveling the same way, it complicates life for me.
I encourage anyone and everyone, if you have questions or want to talk to me about anything, contact me. If you’re wondering about something I write about and want to know more, ask. So much of what I write about has to do with relationships. It takes two to have a relationship and how I feel is only one side of it. There is always another party involved that may feel the complete opposite of how I do and that’s okay. I would ask in those scenarios that you keep that in mind. For relationships to thrive, it takes two. It’s not always 50/50. Sometimes it’s 90/10. Sometimes it’s 10/90. But that’s how relationships work. Sometimes you don’t have a lot to offer the other person. Sometimes walking away is right for one person. Sometimes staying is right for one person. But it’s up to those two individuals to decide. If you only talk to one party, you don’t get an opinion on what the two parties should do. If you truly care about your loved one, you should care about the other person because your loved one cares about them too.
Those of you that read, commented, liked, and messaged me: Thank you. That makes me feel validated. That makes me feel less isolated. That makes me feel loved. Many of you said you don’t know what to say to me. That in itself says you care. I encourage you to reach out to those you know are hurting and say “I don’t know what to say but I care about you”. People in your life who are hurting will appreciate your honesty and care more than you know. Not everyone is comfortable voicing what they need. I am so I feel I have an obligation to those around me. I want to advocate for those around me hurting. I want to help those of you that love people who are broken and beaten right now. I want to help you support them during their most difficult days.
I’ve had a lot of trouble lately loving myself and those of you that reached out, thank you. You are what reminds me why I need to stay on this earth for as long as I can. I’ve had a lot of suicidal thoughts and some days it takes a lot to climb out of that hole. But what continues to pull me out are people. YOU. Never doubt that you have purpose here.