I’ll Be Seeing You

10 years ago I was preparing to marry my soon to be husband. I can’t believe we’ve been married a decade. We had no idea what we were getting into but we knew that we loved each other. We are still in love. I don’t know much but for that I am certain.

Marriage isn’t always easy. We’ve been through hell on our infertility journey. We have cried. We have been hurt. We’ve said things we didn’t mean. But I’m more in love with him today than ever. He has stood by me and held me up when I couldn’t stand. He hugged me when I didn’t deserve it. He loved me when I was unlovable. 

I’m excited to see what the next chapter in life looks like. We’ve chosen to be childfree but we still have 6 embryos that need our attention at some point. I’m not ready to think about that yet but the question of what to do is always there.

I’ve found that looking far ahead to the future is daunting. It reminds me of what I won’t have. This isn’t me being ungrateful. I’m being honest that the future without living children seems scary. I think about our parents – we didn’t get to make them grandparents. We will be there for them as they age but who will be there for us when we age? 

I thought today would look a lot different than it does. It’s bittersweet. But the one thing that hasn’t changed is my love for Joseph. I take that back. It has changed. The love I have for him is unexplainable. It runs so deep. Going through great tradegy with him has given me more love and respect for him than I ever could have imagined. No matter what, he is always there for me. I can always count on him. 

Life is so uncertain. I hate that. But I’m grateful for him and the people in my life that stand with me. 

Here’s to us. 10 years of marriage. One decade. 120 months. 521 weeks. 3,650 days. 87,600 hours. 5,256,000 minutes. 315,360,000 seconds. 

Thank you for choosing me. You still make me melt. I’ll love you forever. 

I’ll be seeing you in every lovely summer’s day
In everything that’s light and gay
I’ll always think of you that way

I’ll Be Seeing You – Billie Holiday


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