Honesty is always something that has been important to me. When done in a loving and kind way without attacking a person, it can be powerful. But what happens when honesty turns into over compensating? You find yourself talking honestly about your feelings and your life but then you find yourself embellishing to feel better about your choices.
I have an amazing friend that was brought to me through divine intervention. She is a fantastic listener, great advice giver, and an exceptional hugger. She is doing amazing things in her career and life. She ran into an old friend recently that she hadn’t seen in a while. As they were catching up, her friend talked all about her biggest role. MOM. It’s all she talked about because that’s her life. She doesn’t work outside the home so being a mom is her full time job. It didn’t sound like she had much of an identity outside of being a mom. I can understand that her whole focus is on her child and her role of being a mom but she chose to focus on the fact that she is a mom and my friend is not.
She continued to make herself seem better than my friend because of her role as mom. It sounds like she was trying to convince herself that she was happy and content. My friend is doing amazing for herself and doesn’t need kids to define her. I think we all are guilty of putting our identity into people and the things we do. We let those define us. We let those things dictate how we are better or worse than someone else. I like to surround myself with people who encourage me especially when I’m not capable of doing it myself. In this situation, it seems like it would have been more appropriate to be honest about how she felt since it seemed like she was over compensating. Instead she chose to make my friend feel less than her because she didn’t have kids. Was it to build herself up? Was it to make her feel better about her choice to have children? Was it to make her feel happier about her life by tearing down my friend?
Even on my bad days, I find myself putting others ahead of myself. So many people are out for themselves and always put their own feelings first. I don’t do that. I can’t do that. It isn’t how I’m wired. I can’t imagine knowing someone I love is hurting and ignoring it for the sake of my own happiness. If the people I love don’t feel loved and cared for, I’m not happy. So making sure they know they are is important to me because it makes me happy. I think it’s important to sacrifice my own comfort to make sure others feel loved. I have to remind myself that’s not the case for everyone. Other people are going to put their happiness and feelings ahead of me because they don’t operate the same way I do.
I think it’s normal for us all to identify ourselves with what we do day in and day out. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. But don’t try to discredit what other people are doing. You don’t have to be happy for everyone else. You are allowed to wish your life was different. But going out of your way to make them feel less than because you aren’t happy isn’t fair.
Surround yourself with those who lift you up, love you, and accept you for who are, each and every single day, no matter what.