The Beginning Of The End

I love my kids but having kids makes your life suck.

I’m not a parent to living, human children but I can assume the above is true. Being a parent is hard work. You are on the job all the time. A little life depends on you to survive. That’s a lot of pressure. I can only compare it to my dogs and I will because that’s all I have to compare to and no one will argue with me that “It’s not the same” because that’d be super rude considering my situation.

I started this blog several weeks ago. It seems fitting that it falls on today. The first day of a new school year for many. I started my morning out at the doctor to get some stuff checked out. I also was asked if I had any children. I got to respond with “no”. So that was super fun as always and a great reminder.

I love my kids but having kids makes your life suck. Enjoy your freedom. Kids have a way of zapping all the meaning out of life. You have to clean up poop all the time, your back hurts all the time, you can’t go anywhere, you lose intimacy, you go broke, they do stupid things, your house gets destroyed, they get you sick all the time, vacations are more stressful than your job…
-B. on A Childfree Life After Infertility – 7 Ways to be Happy.

I don’t think many people would admit that they regret having children. I think everyone that has children has regretted it at least once but is too scared to admit it. I’ve talked to a few brave souls who have said that although they love their children dearly, they sometimes regret being a parent. That is so brave. I admire those people and their honesty. I think it’s okay to admit that life before kids was easier.

I looked at a photo recently that’s hanging in my house. It includes me and 3 other friends from about 3 years ago. Each of their lives have changed because they all have become parents. Everyone except me. It’s hard to look at that photo and think of what everyone else has gained but me. But I have to look at what they have lost that I haven’t. There is good and bad in either scenario and it’s easy for me to jump to the fact that I’m without. It’s easy for me to look at those people and feel like they abandoned me or left me behind. I know that wasn’t their intention. They wanted to add to their family and I can’t blame them. My therapist explained it this way: The friendships I have now, their priorities are changing. For the next 18 years or so, their focus is on their kids, not friendships with me.

Ouch.

That hurt to hear but I needed to hear it. The beginning for them feels like the end for me. She said I need to focus on the friendships where the individuals have chosen to be child free or their children are much older. I think I can still be friends with people who have little ones but it’s hard. It’s all they talk about and I can’t relate. Not only can I not relate but it’s painful to talk about. It’s a reminder of what I don’t have. I hope to get to a place where it doesn’t hurt as much but right now, the wound is fresh.

Maybe one day I’ll have children. But right now I don’t and I can recognize that being a parent is hard work and sometimes, kids suck. You all are super heroes.

Today, I’ll try to laugh about my situation. Okay, right this second I’ll laugh. I’ll probably still cry later. It’s whatev…

If you like to laugh, keep scrolling. Otherwise, stop here.

I’ll talk to you later. I’m gonna go do literally…anything I want! Cuz I don’t have a baby. So all my options are still options!

Babies – Aziz Ansari

 

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2 thoughts on “The Beginning Of The End

  1. Such a powerful post… yes, having children is exhausting on so many different levels but equally not having children can be exhausting on many different levels too, with an emotional cost. In my case, with a financial cost too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I look forward to reading more.

    Liked by 1 person

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