He’s Here Too

You don’t often hear from him. But he’s here too. He hurts because I hurt. He hurts because his dreams are shattered too. My best friend. My husband.

I write from my perspective most often. I think that often times people forget that Joe is hurting too because people don’t hear from him. He doesn’t talk about how he feels to many and he doesn’t have a blog. That doesn’t mean that he isn’t disappointed by a lot of people that were in our lives. He is very disappointed and hurt by these individuals. In regards to some friendships that we’ve lost, he says he feels abandoned.

It seems as if they are there for you when things are good. But then things get too difficult for them so they walk away. They leave us behind. We are only worth something to them if we have something to give. Once they decide you aren’t worthy, you’re an outcast. When shit gets real, they’re out of there. 

 

Joe

This is mostly in regards to some of our church friendships. We find it interesting that people that claim to be family and to be there for you no matter what forget about you just as quickly as they found you. I think that’s the exact opposite of what a Christian is supposed to be.

People who have hurt us don’t make me question God. The world is full of sin and people are full of it. It makes me want to scream “fuck you” to a lot of people. I love God and believe that his plan for us is perfect.

Brenè Brown discusses in Daring Greatly that shame is the fear of disconnection. A fear that we’re unlovable and don’t belong. I know I struggled with that a lot. I pushed people away because I feared that I would never belong because of my infertility. People that truly love us don’t love us because we may or may not have kids. They love us for who we are and they include us.

Brenè also talks about vulnerability being the path out of shame and courage is the light. I think Joe and I are living that. Believe it or not, I think he does it even better than I do. He is true to himself and is so authentic. I’ve gotten a lot better since sharing our story. Being truly vulnerable is the only way I’ll live. There is no other option for me. That makes it easy to believe that the people that love me truly love me for who I am.

People know I have been hurt because I talk about it. But not everyone talks about it, especially the men. Don’t forget about them. They hurt too. I’m grateful for Joe and the man he is to our family. He is my biggest supporter and I’m forever grateful that I know what true friendship is with him.

Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real, you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.

 

The Velveteen Rabbit
Margery Williams

I’m Lindsay. I love Jesus. I swear a little lot. I love with my whole heart. I am vulnerable. I am brave. I am worthy of love.

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2 thoughts on “He’s Here Too

  1. This is so poignant and beautifully written.

    You’re so right, our men, our partners rarely have their voices heard. As for friends who have drifted away… some people don’t know how to deal with anyone else’s grief. Some people may feel guilt that things turned out ok for them so avoid you. Some people suck at being compassionate friends (they may be great at being friends you can go on shopping trips and do superficial stuff with, although their lack of caring does hurt).

    I can’t speak about the church or religious side of things as I chose to walk away from all of that a long time ago.

    Draw strength from each other and that you are true and honest to yourself and the world.

    Thank you for being real and opening your heart so that others may learn and not feel so alone.

    Liked by 1 person

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