Bye Bye Babies

It’s been about two years since we did our last round of IVF but it seems like a lifetime ago. We stopped treatment two years ago and decided to give the child free lifestyle a try. Overall, it’s been really great. We are enjoying where we are at and doing our best to embrace our situation.

We got our embryo storage bill in the mail on Monday. We were going to finalize things with our embryos last year but decided to wait another year. When we got the storage bill this year, we were both ready to take the next step.

We got in with a notary on Tuesday to fill out and notarize our paperwork.  The notary asked us what type of paperwork it was so he could record it in his record keeping book. I looked at Joe before turning back to the notary and saying “Embryo Destruction Paperwork”.  I wish they had a better name for that form but that’s seriously what it’s called. It’s such an odd experience to go fill out paperwork so the last 6 embryos can be destroyed.

Yesterday was a rough day but oddly enough, it didn’t have much to do with letting our embryos go. I felt a lot of peace about the entire situation. Joe and I were once again on the same page and had similar feelings about it all. That is probably one of the things I’ve been most grateful for on this infertility journey is that we are pretty much always on the same page. We often aren’t on the same page with the REALLY hard stuff like making the bed or picking up dog poop (wink, wink) so I’m really glad on easy things like infertility, IVF, and embryo destruction, we can be in agreement quite easily.

Communication throughout this whole process isn’t always easy but it’s necessary. We have to talk about where we are. That applies to every single aspect of our lives as humans. We need to talk about what’s going on. I’ve found that there are people in my life that I’m 100% safe with sharing, opening up to, and crying with when I need to. I’ve found there are people that I have to protect myself from because they aren’t capable of supporting me in the way I need. I’ve gotten good at accepting both types of people in my life and that they are doing their very best to love me regardless of their stance or emotions.

This path we’ve chosen continues to be beautiful and difficult. I keep saying this November is one to remember. It’s had a lot of lows and a lot of loss. A lot of things have happened that I’m still processing and trying to comprehend. One thing I do know is that this grief Joe and I carry will be with us forever. It will continue to change with us. It will overtake us one day and the next be so small it almost disappears. It has forced us to rebuild our lives and it has made us who we are today. I’m really proud of who we are today because of the loss we’ve experienced. The other thing I know is that I have a partner in life who will do things like hang Christmas lights on a Tuesday in the freezing cold after we signed embryo destruction paperwork to make me smile.