Home Sweet Home No More

Rewind about 5 years ago. We were in the process of looking for our first home. There were many things that we wanted in a home but we knew that we needed something with three bedrooms because one day we would have kids.

Does life ever not go the way you thought it would? ALWAYS.

This house we bought with the intention of having a nursery, making a mess with kids in the kitchen , and playing outside in the big yard with our kids and pets may never come to be. We are still waiting on the genetic test results before we make any decisions. So who knows what the future holds but those dreams seem to be slowly slipping away.

Here we are, five years later. Things look a lot different than what I thought they would. The last five years have been spent trying to conceive a baby and there isn’t one. So now there are so many more questions about what life is going to look like.

Do we stay here and get more animals? Or do we  wait a few more years and get an apartment or condo? Do we stay in this area or move somewhere else? What will happen to our jobs or my hair business if we sell our house or moved farther away?

The future we had planned on is up in the air now. There are a lot more options available to us if kids aren’t in the picture. We were planning our life around what would be best for our future children and now it’s shifting to what we want. Infertility has turned our lives upside down.

The direction of our life may be changing very soon. It’s so scary. This isn’t at all what I thought would happen. I thought we’d live here for 30 years, raise our kids and animals, then in 30 years, move. I didn’t think we’d be discussing this right now. It’s really weird. Infertility has affected so many parts of our life it’s crazy. So many things could change. Relationships. Location. Jobs. That is scary. I have no idea what any of it looks like but just talking about it freaks me out. I may be totally wrong and we may stay put for a long time. But these are conversations I never thought we’d be having. It’s scary but it is also intriguing. We could move somewhere else and leave the hurt and struggle behind.

I know whatever happens and wherever we end up, we will always have our home sweet home. For now, it’s right where we are.